This Just In...Illness Strikes Triathlete

STRANGE PARASITE ATTACKS TRITOBEFUNNY JUST DAYS BEFORE HER RACE

(Austin, Texas) In what seems like a sick twist of fate, a strange stomach virus has attacked this young triathlete just days before her season finale Half-Ironman. "I was fine until Tuesday night," says Carrie. "Since then, it's been a non-stop feeling of sour stomach and nausea." While she did go to both swim classes and get a couple of runs in (no pun intended), the lack of energy and nutrition has left her listless and exhausted all week, unable to muster any level of competitive excitement.

Like a trooper, she is determined to go through with the event although, "the thought of taking a gu is enough to make me sick just thinking about it." She's loaded up on Tums, Mylanta and Immodium, thus raising suspicion that the lethal combination of all three of these may be the culprit of the continued illness.

"I'm just going to play it by ear," says Carrie. "I'm still hoping that I wake up tomorrow and feel great. Plus, I hope Lipton cup-a-soup has enough fuel to sustain me since that's about all that I can handle right now." She did make waffles this morning which tasted so good at first, but have been stirring around her tummy for the last two hours.

"At this point, just finishing would make me happy. I think any form of race strategy is being revised."

We'll keep hoping for the best. Our thoughts and prayers go out to this athlete who is convinced she has salmonella, e-coli or a rare form of deadly meningitis. Her husband is much less paranoid and thinks she just has a virus. Our bets are on his diagnosis.